Everyday the physio team came to visit and prescribed some exercises to get me moving. This involved simply moving my limbs in bed. Simply, ha, yeah good one. This type of movement was both mentally and physically hard. I was trying with all my might to move but movements were slow, and painful. The control I once had over my body seems to be gone and I feel like I’m learning to move all over again. Every movement or bending of a limb was extremely painful and exhausting. Just sitting on the side of the bed sent blood rushing to my feet, and with-it pain. There’s no way I can put my feet on the floor. They already feel as if they are going to explode. These sessions only lasted 5-10 minutes but I could not wait until they were over so I could lay back down in a comfortable position. By the end of the week I had progressed to standing beside the bed for a few seconds. The pain was still high and I could only manage a few seconds on my feet, but I'm now starting to see small progress. On one of the days I felt like i had no time to rest between check ups and dressing changes etc, then my physio walked in the door right as I had just gotten comfortable in the bed. "Oh fuck off Paul" I said. "Don't be like that" Paul responded. We had a chuckle, and got stuck into the rehab.
A week into my hospital journey it was time for my first dressing changes and a shower. I could not wait for this shower. Only when you lose the simplest luxuries of life do you truly appreciate them. I was fearful of how this shower would feel. We all know how painful a shower is with a papercut, let alone burns to 40% of your body. But, a shower never felt so good, or so refreshing. It felt amazing to be under the water. Showers were done sitting down and would be done sitting down for another week and a half, until I got some strength and movement back. Once the dressing changes and shower were done, the doctors could assess the damage again. The time had come to have surgery for skin grafts, and spray on skin cells to repair the burnt areas. I was both excited and nervous for this to happen. It was a step closer to getting back on my feet, but extremely daunting at the same time. The doctors and Nurses at FSH made me feel so comfortable, so I felt ready and calm as I trusted them so much.
I felt good after surgery. By all accounts it had gone as planned with no complications. I had a total of 8 skin grafts. 6 on my left quad and 1 on each foot, and the rest of the burns were treated with spray on skin cells. They were able to take all the grafts from my left hamstring. Yay for squatting and having decent size legs. When I first got to hospital, they were going to cut my quads as they thought they were full of fluid from the burns. “don’t you touch my quads” I said. Luckily one of the nurses said, “I think he just has big quads”. You’re damn right I do! Anyway, enough about my jacked legs. Following surgery came 2 days of no sleep. On the 3rd day I had a scheduled Dressing change. Well, I was now introduced to a new level of pain. With burns, a product called surfisoft (I think that’s how you spell it) is applied to the burnt areas once the grafting and spray on cells are done. Basically, it is similar looking to baking paper, and it is put over the burnt areas to help keep the grafts in place and to help the spray on skin take. The only problem is, after the 3rd day you need to start peeling it off again.
It was a bit of a shock to see what my body looked like after surgery. I wish I had taken more photos and documented it a bit more. Its hard to do when you are still in shock and feeling like you are in a world of trauma and pain. Especially with the painkillers I was on. Cognitive thinking was at an all time low. I was functioning and that was the best you were going to get out of me at the time. The following photos I took right before that first dress down. I had no Idea the pain that was about to come my way. I thought I was passed all of that, I was wrong.
No amount of painkillers seemed to take the pain away from peeling off the surfisoft. Holy shit this was next level. The longer it stayed on the harder it was to get off, so to me it was worth while getting as much of in the first session as possible. I had a handful of painkillers for dulling nerve ending pain. I was on Ketamine orally and intravenously, I had diazepam for anxiety, and I was on the gas. There were more but I can’t recall the names of them all. There was certainly a lot I couldn’t feel, yet somehow, I felt every bit of that paper coming off. As the nurses were about to peel a bit more off they instructed me to inhale some gas. I dont think Ive ever inhaled anything quite as hard and fast. I was shaking with the pain, trying to remain as still as possible. Why the fk are none of these painkillers working?! I liken this to torture, for it felt like someone peeling your skin off, or how I imagine that would feel anyway. This was something that needed to be done so I endured it for as long as I could before it became far too much to handle. I cried so much once we had finished. I swore there and then I would never work on a crane again or do anything that had a risk of putting me back to this level of injury. Never forget this pain John.
Are these images a bit too much to share? Yeah, they probably are. But you know what, this is real life. I went through this shit and lived it. You're just reading about it. The full extent of the damage also left me with serious burns to the genital area. Ive decided to leave that photo out. But you can see from the image of my quad, where the burns cross over my groin under the towel. Having burnt genitals was one of the hardest parts to deal with. Its something that got me so down and I focussed on it every day for months. Burns would have to be the shittest injury ever. I’m happy to say that its all back to normal now, except for a scar on my shaft. But atleast its just a discolouration and not a keloid scar. Although, a keloid scar may have added some extra pizazz in the bedroom. I feel it would be inappropriate of me to put a picture of my healthy wang up, so you’ll just have to take my word that is back to normal function and size of 10 inches, around.
You are truly inspirational. Thank you for sharing your journey, you have made me laugh and cry and I look forward to reading the next instalment. You need to write a book!!
Well done and thanks for sharing.